The Comparison Trap: Let Comparison Drive You, Not Destroy You

Ever scrolled through the socials and spotted the dude who’s got it all? He could be that athlete you know, “postin’ another highlight reel from the game? Seriously?!” Or the brutha at church that’s always flexing. “Where’d he get THAT car? And how many designer fits does the dude have?” Maybe it’s the kid at school who’s “him.” “He’s always got a ton of friends around. Everyone loves this dude.”

You keep scrolling and your thoughts become, Man, I could never be that!

There’s a vibe growing inside you. The spark of jealousy toward the fella always talking about a new girl in his DMs (even though deep down you know his ways with the ladies are sus) starts to become a roaring fire. You better watch it! If you’re not careful, it could consume you.

Comparison is natural, but it can also be dangerous. It doesn’t just mess with your mood. It can subtlety begin to shift your priorities and values.

Studies prove this out. Research published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine found that frequent social media use (where comparison runs rampant) is directly linked to higher levels of jealousy, which then contributes to feelings of inadequacy and even depression. When you spend hours idolizing someone on your phone who seems to be ahead of you, it can warp your perception of YOU—who you really are, your progress in life so far, and the things you truly want.

When Comparison Gets Dangerous

It’s one thing to hate on someone living the good life because of discipline and good, old-fashioned hard work. It’s another to be jealous of people getting ahead through wrong actions. 

Take the guy who’s always bragging about hooking up with a new girl every weekend. From the outside, it may look like he’s winning. But is he, really? What about the stuff we don’t see? The same guy could be struggling with emotional emptiness, unhealthy relationships, mental health issues, and is likely ignorant of the reputation destined to haunt him later. (There’s a reason God doesn’t want us living this way.)

Then there’s the entrepreneur who commands great respect in business. Folks move the moment he says “go.” But you soon learn that his leadership style is rooted in fear and intimidation. His employees are nothing but pawns he uses to get ahead. They don’t actually respect him. They’re afraid—acting only to keep their jobs until they can jump ship and find something better. You want to be successful in business, but is that really the way to do it?

You’ve got to be careful. Comparison messes with your judgment. If you’re measuring yourself against someone taking shortcuts or stepping on others to advance themselves, you could easily be sucked into their lifestyle, thinking it’s the way to success. But deep down you know it doesn’t align with who God has called you to be. (Proverbs 3:31-32, Proverbs 24:1-2)

In my novel Exactly How It’s `Posed to Be, Glen (one of the main characters) spends a lot of time comparing himself to Grayson. Grayson’s tall and strong and always has a lady on his arm. (Sometimes even two!) When Glen decides to model his ways after what he thinks Grayson does, it definitely causes some drama. (You gotta pick up a copy to see how. Check it out!)

So, what’s the real issue with comparison? It’s not just that you’re comparing—it’s that you’re comparing the wrong way…and against the wrong things. Instead of focusing on what matters—your personal growth and your purpose in Christ—you’re distracted by false narratives. But what might happen if you kept your eyes on the real prize?

What Comparison Is Really About

Comparison really isn’t the enemy. It’s more like a signal—kind of like a push notification in your brain. “Hey, here’s somethin’ here I care about!” I mean, think about it. You don’t compare yourself to just anyone. You’re not looking at a professional chef and feeling bad you can’t make soufflés (unless cooking is your thing). You compare yourself to people doing things you wish you could do, or being the someone you want to become.

If you feel a pang of envy watching someone crushing it on the basketball court or acing their finals, it’s probably because, you care about that same thing. That’s not bad—it’s insight. Now, the challenge is what you DO with that insight.

The Danger Isn’t Comparison. It’s Misusing It

Here’s where most fellas go wrong. Instead of letting comparison inspire them, they let it crush them. They focus more on their own deficiencies rather than their potential to something just as envious.

Ways to Recognize Misused Comparison:

• After scrolling endlessly, I feel worse about myself with every finger flick.
• I assume someone else’s success means that I’ve failed.
• I quit before even starting because I feel like I’ll never measure up.

But let’s turn the coin over and look at it from the other side. Comparison can help you grow—if you let it.

Jasen’s Twisted Story

Let’s talk about Jasen, a young man in college, grinding it out working a part-time job. He follows this fitness influencer, Corey, who’s always posting insane workouts and shredded ab pics. Jasen begins feeling condemned by Corey’s posts. He’d love to have muscles and abs like that, but with his schedule, he doesn’t have time for two-a-day workouts. Nor does he have the money for supplements and fancy meal prep.

Now here’s where the story gets twisted. Jasen does a little digging. Turns out Corey lives with his parents and doesn’t have a job! He’s got plenty of time to train because that’s literally all he does! Jasen realizes Corey’s in-feed image doesn’t match his reality and it teaches him something important. He doesn’t have to feel inferior and give up. He can still value health and fitness, even if he can’t chase it the same way Corey does.

Instead of quitting, Jasen starts walking to class. He can’t lift every day, but he finds a way to get a workout in three times a week. He starts eating better. He’s not Corey, but he’s making legit progress in ways that work for him. That’s the twist! Most guys would’ve let jealousy stop them, but Jasen chose to be inspired, take his own action, and achieve his own success.

It’s Time to Write Your Own Playbook

The real reason comparison stings is because you’re trying to follow someone else’s playbook. But life isn’t one-size-fits-all. Your goals, your struggles, your victories—are all uniquely yours.

Take “Coach Prime”, Deion Sanders. Love him or hate him, he’s never tried to copy anyone else’s swag. He’s always brought his own flavor to the game, and it’s made him unforgettable. You’re not supposed to live someone else’s story. God placed you here to write your own.

The Playbook For Handling Comparison

Here’s are ways to turn comparison into a tool for your success:

Final Thought: Who Do You Want to Become?

The next time you feel comparison sting you, stop and ask, “What does this feeling tell me about who I want to become?” Then take a small step in that direction. It’s not about being the best at everything. It’s about being the best you. The you that God designed you to be. 

So, let comparison inspire you, not break you. Play your game, stay in your lane, and run your race like the masterpiece God created.