Why I Wrote A Novel About Waiting Until Sex for Marriage

Huh? Wait until marriage for sex? Who does that?! And who would write a whole novel about it?

Uh, I guess that would be me. 

Several years ago, I was looking for a passion project. Something that I couldn't wait to tinker on each day when work was over. God led me back to writing. I’d always been a writer. My mom still has a box of little short stories I used to create in elementary school. In college, I majored in Journalism looking to harness this writing gift in a meaningful way. I’ve spent my career in advertising, for me was mostly email writing with the occasional opportunity to dabble in creative ideas.

When I picked up pen and paper again after years of working as an advertising executive, I had a great idea for a story! A young man attending an HBCU decides to try his hand at crime fighting as a masked vigilante after the tragic death of his mother, just like in the comics! However, he quickly discovers the superhero game is harder in real life than in cartoons. 

Before the characters were even developed, I heard God clearly tell me, “I don’t need an HBCU vigilante crimefighter story!” (You gotta be careful when you ask God what He needs. He might tell you something different from your plan!) God wanted something else from me—to encourage young men to maintain a standard of purity and wait until marriage before having sex, as He originally intended.

As I was researching this book, I watched a lot of vlogs from college students. One of the primary topics was always relationships. Some of the most interesting videos came from young women hosting discussions with young brothers, asking questions in vain attempts to understand how they think. In almost every video, the young men are chasing after sex—like 100-yard-dash chasing it! The idea of waiting is never considered. The fellas are actually repulsed by the few young women choosing to abstain and hold to their values. Instead they choose to focus on the ladies willing to give them what they want.

These videos brought the statistics I also found to life. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), ninety percent of men today (and 89% of women) have had sex before marriage. So, is it any wonder that every one in five people in the US today have some kind of sexually transmitted disease or infection? The statistics are even more troubling for Black men who report disproportionately higher diagnoses of  sexually transmitted diseases—HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis—than other ethnicities. When you also consider that seventy-two percent of Black men have fathered children out of wedlock and the stats about children growing up without fathers…the severe consequences of high body counts and doing what we feel like doing become apparent.

God’s plan was NEVER for us to live like this! He never wanted us running around with our penises controlling our every move! He never intended us to be infected with disgusting diseases from multiple partners. He never wanted children growing up without fathers. He never wanted us to live with constant drama. God’s design for sex and marriage is completely different than what’s happening today, which is many don’t experience His best in this area.

That’s why “Exactly How It’s `Posed to Be” was written. First of all, it's not a dry, preachy manual on how to live like a priest in college. It's a rather entertaining journey into the lives of three different dudes, the choices they face, the decisions they make, and the consequences (good and bad) of the paths they decide to take.

I hesitate to call it an HBCU romance novel, but if that gets folks to open the pages and give it a read it works for me! I've ironically described it as the love-child of the TV show All American: Homecoming and the movie The Forge. Regardless of the description, you'll find the story to be a rollercoaster ride through the ups and downs of college life, where friendships, love, personal beliefs, and the Word of God clash in unexpected ways.

Beyond an entertaining story, this novel is full of solid Christian dating advice. Through it I hope to encourage young men (and women) to choose a better way. (It is a choice.) To stop thinking that the higher our body count, the more of a man they are. To consider the long-term benefits of waiting for sex until marriage rather than walking the promiscuity path everyone else walks today.

If you want a better way to do relationships, or if you want to sow into the life of a young person who’s about to have to choose which road to take, this novel is for you. Dare to be different. Dare to want more—to want better. Dare to do things God’s way and expect God’s beautiful result.