It’s your first day on campus. You’re finally off to college—away from home with no parents telling you what to do. You’re FREE! Some fellas you just met tell you, “We gettin’ outside tonight, bruh!” You’re trying to get to know people and it sounds like fun, so you agree. “Bet! Let’s go!”
When they pull up that evening, the car door opens and weed smoke punches you in the face before you can even get in. Your mind races. “Didn’t know they were into all this! Should I go? I have to! Don’t wanna seem like a chump!” So you get inside, semi-confident that a little smoke “really can’t hurt anything.”
No sooner are you settled in the backseat when the passenger side dude tosses you a can. “You gon’ need this! It’s on…an’…poppin’ tonight, my dawg!” You figure it’s too late to refuse—the beer is already in your hands! “I’ll just hold it, but I don’t have to drink. No big deal,” you rationalize.
Then the driver says, “I hope you ready bro! The ho’s at this party are down for anything! If you can’t get laid tonight, you ain’t doin’ it right!” Your stomach drops. Yesterday you were safe under the roof of a Christian home, and today—without realizing it—you’re in a car clouded with marijuana, beer in hand, headed to a party the folks back home would probably call “a den of iniquity.”
How did this happen? When you left home, you fully intended to hold tight to the Christian values you grew up with. But within moments it’s all out the window—almost as quickly as the weed smoke from the speeding car.
Just like the characters in my novel Exactly How It’s `Posed to Be, Christian young men can find themselves pulled off course quickly—sometimes immediately—after arriving on campus, despite their best intentions to stand strong in their faith. In a new environment where you don’t know anyone and need to find your place, the pressure to conform is fierce.
Studies estimate that 70% of Christians who show up to college for their freshman year “will leave with little to no faith.” This is shocking! In the face of stats like this, how can YOU be “a 30-percenter”—one standing strong despite the intense pressure to toss your Christian values out the door? Keep reading and find out.
Set Boundaries Early
Just like a strong fence keeps the neighborhood dogs from digging up your lawn and doing their “business” on your property, solid boundaries keep people from trespassing in your life also! Before you set foot on campus, decide what’s off limits and what’s acceptable. And just like strong posts hold the fence up, make sure you have a strong WHY holding up these boundaries in your life.
In my novel some of the characters decide to set a specific boundary up for themselves. They’re not going to have sex before marriage. Period. Despite the confused stares and looks of disgust from guys around campus, their minds are made up. However, they soon realize that campus temptations are everywhere, trying eat them alive. This advice from a student mentor becomes critical in helping one young man keep his vow:
“If you really want to stand up to this temptation, you’ve got to have a WHY that’s bigger—more important—than the temptation. The WHY can’t be, ‘because the folks at PV3-13 said to’ or even, ‘because the Bible tells me so.’ Yeah, we’re supposed to be doin’ what the Bible tells us to do, but why? If you don’t know the WHY behind what you’re doin’, you’ll slip. You’ll fall like a domino. Why are you waiting for sex?”
Make sure when you’re setting your boundaries, they are each held up by a strong, solid WHY.
Your boundaries should be broad enough to protect ALL of you. If you’ve decided not to have sex, don’t just think about avoiding the act. You must consider activities that can quickly lead you into sex. Set limits on who you’ll talk to. On who and how you’ll date. Set limits on how much alone time you’ll have with someone, how much intimacy you’ll have, and a host of other considerations. Widen your boundary boarders to sufficiently protect yourself.
Surround Yourself With Like-Minded People
The moment you arrive on campus you’ll meet all kinds of people. Colleges purposely hold numerous events to help students get to know one another (similar to the “Welcome Week at Winton” events in my novel). Use this time to find people of like Christian faith to hang with.
There will be a group of young Christian men and women somewhere on your campus that want to stand strong in their faith like you. Check out student clubs and orgs with Jesus at the center such as Campus Crusade for Christ or Young Life. If you are a college athlete, joining the Fellowship of Christian Athletes can provide extra strength in competition. Keep yourself among folks that build you up in Christ rather than pull you down into trouble.
“But The Christian Dudes Are Lame!”
Let’s face it—not everyone of “like mind” is someone you actually want to hang with. Some of them might be weird. Yeah, I said it! But we all know it’s true! You don’t have to chill with folks constantly speaking in tongues, or those fasting three days a week every week if that’s not your speed. If the first group you meet isn’t your thing, don’t give up. There are Christian students who you’ll vibe with. Trust me.
Find Friends That Challenge You
Be willing to stick with those that challenge and strengthen you in faith. Accountability is huge. Now that you’re away, from home you need someone nearby who will check you if you’re not where you’re `posed to be. You need folks that will pull you aside and question your behavior if they see it violating what you say you believe.
While it felt cheesy at first, having “accountabili-buddies” helped the characters in my novel stay on track and work through challenges they faced on campus. The same is true for you. Knowing that someone nearby has your best interest at heart and is watching you will keep you on the right path.
Deal Decisively With College Peer Pressure
When I was in high school, I couldn’t wait to get to college. I naively believed peer pressure was just a high school thing and it would end at graduation. TOTALLY WRONG! Let me tell you—peer pressure follows you right into college and then on into adulthood. It’s best to learn how to deal with it now and keep it from haunting you the rest of your life.
The big question is, HOW?
How do you deal with college peer pressure? Well, there’s no set formula for success in this area. Every situation will be different. But there are some practical ways you can fight it.
Just Say “No” – While not easy, this is the best way to stand up for what you believe and put an end to peer pressure. “No thanks. Not interested.” Or even a stern, “No.” These responses are direct and clear. (Matthew 5:37) Being consistently firm and straightforward shows them you won’t be persuaded and can shut down further peer pressure. Practice saying “No” confidently, without feeling the need to justify yourself.
Just Say “No”…Lite – Not everyone can just show up on campus with the kind of directness described earlier. For those of you like that, here are some light-hearted ways you can shut down common situations you’ll find yourself in.
While these are easier ways to avoid peer pressure, you should work to become comfortable shifting to the stronger, “No.” Especially for the folks you’ll inevitably run into that won’t accept the lighter response.
Plan Your Exit With Technology – iPhone apps like eHarmony’s Bad Date Rescue allow you to schedule a call to your phone at specific times. If you’re not comfortable with the direct approach, receiving an “important call” from apps like this could help save you from difficult situations. You can simply say, “Excuse me, I need to answer this” and duck away—without lying.
Change Your Mind—"Peer Pressure Is Good!”
We typically associate peer pressure negatively, but as Christians let’s choose to turn it into something positive. Strive to always live a life of integrity that others find attractive. You can still be fun without compromising. You can be cool without going astray. You don’t have to condemn others or point fingers at their wrong behavior. Be “salty,” living a lifestyle that unbelievers admire and subconsciously put pressure on them to change. Make peer pressure a good thing.
Stay Connected With Home
Don’t let physical distance from home become relational distance. Do everything you can to maintain ties with your positive influences back at the house. Your parents, mentors, pastors, and friends who helped you be strong while at home can do the same for you while in college. You can’t afford to lose your connection to positive influences.
But it’s easier said than done. The hectic pace of college classes and all of the extracurriculars can keep you jumping. Before you know it, a month has passed without a text or call. If you want to stay connected, you’ll have to be deliberate about it.
Schedule Regular FaceTime Calls – Put them on your calendar and don’t cancel. Make them video calls so your loved ones can see you, look you in the eyes, and hold you accountable.
Text for Advice – Texting these important people could give you real-time advice and wisdom between scheduled video calls. If you’re facing a tough decision, a quick text might make all the difference in what you’ll do and the results you’ll get. Establish who these folks are before you leave, and don’t be afraid or ashamed to use this important life-line.
Share A Devotional or Bible Reading Plan - You can choose a devotional or Bible reading plan to go through with a friend or mentor from home. Platforms like the YouVersion Bible App can help you find plans and discuss scripture with friends no matter where they are. Just like the video calls, set specific days and times to discuss what each of you have learned and how it applies to your experiences.
Turn Mistakes Into Life Lessons
With all of these measures in place, you are clearly holding yourself to a higher standard. Bravo my brutha! But don’t expect absolute perfection. You won’t do everything exactly right, but you haven’t failed unless you allow your mistakes to condemn you. Learn from your mistakes. Let them teach you what triggers you and your temptation spots. If you get off track, evaluate and make decisive changes. By all means strive for perfection, but don’t beat yourself up when you don’t get there. God will forgive your mistakes as you confess them, sincerely repent, turn away from them, and turn back to Him.
Standing Firm In A Shaky World
Heading off to college is a thrilling moment in life filled with new friendships, opportunities, and experiences. As a Christian young man, it’s crucial to stand firm in your faith at this time too. The pressure to follow the crowd will be intense. You might even feel like you’re swimming upstream all by yourself. But remember, you were never called to blend in—you’re called to stand out. (Matthew 5:14-16)
Before you show up to campus, know who you are, what you believe, and WHO you belong to. Arm yourself with prayer, seek out community, and don’t be afraid to set boundaries that protect your heart and faith. When you feel overwhelmed or isolated, remember that you’re never truly alone—God is with you, and there are countless other young men facing similar struggles.
You’ve got this! Move forward in confidence that God is with you and your faith is unshakeable, no matter what college throws your way.
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